Dreams and Nightmares

Jan. 7th, 2019 08:53 am
salixj: (Default)

 Last night I woke, terrified, from a nightmare. The nightmare was a recurring one which differed in the particulars, of being entombed alive. 

In this particular dream I was in something like a sewer,though there was no water, just blackness all around, save for a hole high up over head, man-hole shaped. I was a child and was with many other children, standing, staring up at the cover that was being placed on, screaming and screaming to please don't.

Then I woke up. 

I remember shouting no! wresting the covers from my head. For several minutes I sat there gasping, my heart racing. NO!

I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep immediately, so I went downstairs, made myself a hot drink, and curled up with a book. Nothing scary! 

And then went back to sleep. Or tried. And tried. And tried.

Of course the morning alarm went off. I thought. No, go back to sleep. You deserve it. You are tired. Why get up? Sleep till 10. No problem.

No. I got up, got dressed, davened (prayed) and went out for a walk with my husband, going past where he was going (he was going to daven in shul) and on to a friends house to return a book.

On the way back I thought, maybe I will stop at the makolet (grocery store) get something to eat, a treat. I deserve it!

No. I kept walking, got back home and made myself farina, some cinnamon, yes!, vanilla, yes! and a bit of silan (date syrup) yes!!!!

My child needed a few things. She needed me to keep going, to exercise, to eat breakfast, to get fresh air. Going to sleep would not have been healthy. 

My beast needed a few things as well. To be noticed, to be understood, to recognize that it was a hard night and to be given a treat. 

Child is cared for, my beast satisfied.

Fresh air, exercise and breakfast took care of my child. The sweet taste of silan, the gifts of vanilla and cinnamon, soothed the beast.

I am still tired, and I need to work on why these nightmares come again and again. What is my brain telling me?

Do you have recurring nightmares? What is the essence of the nightmare. Ask yourself one question about that nightmare, don't try to answer the question, just ask it for now. And let your brain slowly answer.

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My Territory - Get OUT!

Jan. 3rd, 2019 08:10 am
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Our cat is mewling in distress at the sliding doors leading to the porch. My daughter picks her up; "Is there a cat outside?" she asks, "Let's chase it away..." and out they go, the cat held gently in my daughter's arms, to chase away the intruder.

My cat is not always so protective of "her" territory She isn't an outdoor cat (she escapes sometimes, but we have learned that outdoor cats are at a greater risk to their health, ergo, we keep her in).  There are times she screams and hisses at the door, and other times when a cat will wander in, settle beneath the table or a chair and our cat barely lifts her head from her paws. She may crack her eyes and then drift back into sleep.

Why one intruder and not the other is considered an interloper and not the other is, of course, something we can't know unless our cat develops talking skills. We can make guesses, and I suppose if we had studied cat psychology we could come up with a good answer, as it is, all we know is, cat can stay or cat can go based on what our cat "commands".

Our cat is, of course, not allowed to make the same demands on our indoor territory. Well, except for some COL, where we concede to allow her to remain on our laps until need, such as the bathroom, calls louder. If she starts to defend the indoors against, say, I guest, she is escorted, gently but firmly, to a timeout in one of the bedrooms. 

And we put other controls on her as well. We feed her, I might give her scraps from my food, however, we don't let her steal from the table. She is chased off the table and counter, not the couch. We don't let her outside, where she is the one in danger. We kick her out of the dryer, or cabinet, where she sometimes likes to hole up, but should she jump into my closet, I'll leave the door ajar so she can get out again.

This is how we care for the beast within. Sometimes we give into our beasts whims and  desires, sometimes we must curtail them. This is a yes, and this is a no.

How have you said yes to your beast?

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