Journey is You

Tonight is the first night of Chanukah and those who celebrate will light a single candle (the shamesh is not considered a candle lit for the purposes of Chanukah. It is used to light the other candles).

Others are coming up on Christmas.

Each family celebrates the holidays in their own ways. Sometimes these ways change over the years or when we reach adulthood.

Growing up Chanukah meant lots of presents, dreidels as well as latkahs and doughnuts.

In my family now we don't give a lot of presents, but gelt (money, not usually a lot) doughnuts though! And the m "fight" about which is better on latkahs sour cream (me) or applesauce (my husband). And dredels of course.

Write about your favorite holiday memory, as well as the traditions you have kept, and those you have left behind. Are their any traditions you would like to adopt? What are they and why do they appeal to you?

If there is one time when rain is (almost?) universally unwanted it is having a parade, figuratively or literally.

You know what I mean by figurative. Someone does something they are proud of and then along comes someone else who proceeds to pour water on the joy; well that was okay but - oh that cruel but - is followed by all the things that could have made whatever it was better or all the things one did not good enough or how the rain cloud did it better somewhere along the line.

And the band is sopping wet. 

Sometimes we are a victim of the rain cloud, sometimes we are the rain cloud, either to ourselves or someone else.

I know, the last one is hard to admit. But as humans we are subject to emotions good and bad, thoughts uplifting and terrifying.

Our journals are where we can write it all down (and rip it all up if we don't want to retain the information).

So think of the rain clouds in your life.

Who has rained on your parade?

When have you rained on your own parade?

And why have you rained on someone else's parade?

And the most important question: how an you grow from all the above?

Some questions to ponder:

• Why do I let another person's evaluation of my actions harm me? 
• Is what they say true? 
• Can I use their negativity to become better at what I am trying to do?
• Why can I not see my growth as positive without immediately criticizing myself? Why can't I just enjoy the moment?
• What is it about someone else's success that has me upset? What am I missing in my life that I am not getting?
• How can I curb my negative feelings and change them to something else if I am criticized by someone else?
• When I criticize myself or someone else?
• How can I let go of my anger at someone for what they said about me?
• How can I let go of my anger at myself for having jealous feelings toward someone else?

Some parts of this exercise may be more difficult than others. Remember to approach yourself with love. Almost everyone acts in a negative manner sometimes, and it is okay to acknowledge these mistakes, to learn from them and to forgive ourselves. That is how we grow.

This is a very simple prompt.

You are given a gift, an ability to repeat any ten days of your life. You will get to relive them over again. You can choose to simply take the steps you have taken, to "view the days" like a dream, or to change things.

What ten days do you choose and what are the choices you make about each day?

I've been reading a few self-help books lately - you know on parenting, marriage, finances etc - and like most such books the books contained good, bad, and duh! advice.

Okay, they sell.  And they have value, if you are discerning.

Much of these types of advice books come from a person's personal experience. They don't tell you about those for whom the advice doesn't work. That wouldn't help them now would it?

Which brings me to these three writing prompts, one for today, tomorrow, and the next day (or as long as it takes you).

Prompt one: What was the best and what was the worst self-help book that you have read?

Regarding the best, what piece of advice, if any, was unhelpful for you?

Regarding the worst, what piece of advice, if any, was helpful for you?

Prompt two:  Write your own self-help.... well start with a simply journal entry.

Take one piece of knowledge you have and think about how you could develop that into a self-help book. Who would the book be for? 

Clearly define your audience.

Then write three helpful pieces of advice starting with a headline and a single paragraph for each. it can be on  any issue, large or small, serious or silly. Just something that will change a person's life for the better!

If you are inspired write more pieces of advice along with a paragraph for each piece. Just headline and simple paragraph. As long as you are inspired continue writing a piece of advice followed a short paragraph.

Prompt three:

Think about a title for the book and what the cover would look like. What graphics would you need? What images? How should the book be divided up? Each of the pieces of advice is a chapter in the book or a subchapter that should be beneath another chapter.

How many chapters do you have?

And do you have the start of an actual book?

These small space heaters basically heated up one's own personal space and not much more.

As a heat junkie, I had the heat on high and right under my feet as I sat beside my computer doing whatever work I happened to be doing that day.

Took a break, went into the kitchen, started back and realized I forgot something, groaned, turned around, grabbed it,  came back and I was within three steps to my chair and heat.

And the heater burst into flames. Flames spitting out right where I would have been sitting if I hadn't forgotten something and had to go back to the kitchen. Flames that would have ignited the thin rayon skirt I had on. Flames that most likely would have left me severely injured as to get away from the flames I would have had to push back from my chair and then do the drop and roll as there wasn't much space there otherwise.

Five second made the difference.

Sometimes life and death happens in much less space and time.

I inconvenienced myself slightly, and whatever pulled me back into that kitchen, I believe in G-d so to me it was G-d, saved my life.

Has something similar ever occurred to you? Have you been protected from something by some small delay? A car whizzed through a red light, missing you because your skirt caught on a fire hydrant, or you stepped wrong and needed to fix your shoe and so were out of its path?

These are presents as well, gifts of missing out, that protect us from something negative had they not occurred.

If you can remember such a time, even if it was something quite small, write about it.
 

First acknowledge whatever is going on within you. Note your physical sensations and give a name to the emotions you are feeling, even if that reaction seems to be discordant with the event itself (for instance you feel angry that someone you loved is ill or has died, or you feel sad when the "proper" reaction is anger. Emotions are there, and not to be denied, there is no wrong way to feel. (If you feel numb for a long period of time, or you feel you haven't a good handle on your emotions and find your emotional state is interfering with normal life, it is wise to seek out therapy. Journaling isn't about doing it alone.)

The next step is to analyze the event.
 

1. What has actually happened? 
2. What is the extent of the harm?
3. Is there a way to diminish the harm or even change the bad to good, and if so what are the steps you need to take to reach the goal (of diminishing or changing the negative consequences of the event)?
4. Have you gone through a similar challenge in the past? 
5. How did you deal with the challenge at that time? 
6. Were the ways you responded to it effective?
7. If so, can you employ the same techniques now and if not why not?
8. Is there anyone you know who has suffered a similar event, and do they have advice for you?
9. Who can you enlist or what sources can you seek out to help you get through this event?
10. Is there anything good that you can take from this event?

Figuratively, though you aren't a figure head. You (I've so declared) now control the world, this planet, Earth.

• What will you do first to make the world better?
• What makes that issue so important to you?
• Is there anyone who will be negatively impacted by your decision? 
• Is it important to you to bring those people on board for whatever changes or modifications you make or are they irrelevant?
• What is the long term impact of the decisions you make?
• Can you think of anything positive you will lose?
• What are the risks?

• What is this decision?
• Make your best argument in FAVOR of that decision; what are the benefits to that decision?
• Who will benefit from that decision? Can you become that type of person?
• How do you become important enough to that leader to be able to influence them?
• Is there any benefit that will come to you from the decision even though you are against it?

• How can you try to convince both parties to see the good and bad of each decision? (Keep in mind we are talking about a decision and its opposite).
• Can you figure out a way to reach a compromise or consensus so that you are both satisfied?
• What do you see needs to happen for there to be forward movement? What does each side need to give up and what will they gain by their concession?

• How do you understand the meaning of the two words?
• Compare and contrast sympathy and empathy. What are the differences, how are they similar?
• Think of a time that you felt sympathy. Who did you feel the emotion for? What were the physical sensations you had? How did this make you act to the person? Do the same for empathy.
• Did it take you longer to reach a state of calm or peace from one emotion versus the other? Or were they both the same?
• How did you return to a state of peace? Did you need to do anything or did it just happen?
• Do you think one emotion is more suitable to certain events than the other?
• Can you move from one emotion to the other at will and how do you do that?
• What images come to your mind from each of the emotions? 
• Think about a time when you were the recipient of either sympathy and a time when you were a recipient of  empathy. How did you know which emotion was being expressed or did you know?

As always you may think of other questions.

Enjoy and let me know your feelings on the subject.

As I have admitted to earlier I have fallen in love with Cozy mysteries.

They are not great literature.

They are forumalic.

They are not very scary, they are not very deep and they have a sweet romance (usually a charming or so handsome man).

And they are tons of escapist fun. Real world gone for a couple of hours.

The current one that I am reading (freebie) has some minor spelling mistakes and a few missing words, but nothing too excessive. I'm about halfway through. And the premise is basically ridiculous.

Canadian woman inherits a castle (with the funds to fix it up!) in Normandy, France.

Right. Okay, but right. I'm going to go ahead and buy into this because it is fun (I do wonder though that the dog doesn't seem to be walked much and does the cat have a litter box? But okay, I digress).

It is fun. It is fun to think about what you would do with a 24 room castle and a humongous property. (She's going to turn it into inn/restaurant/antique store!)

Would you live there? Rent out rooms? Have gardens? What would you do with a castle? 

And I'm not holding you to her castle. What does your castle look like?

Unfortunately for my house my nesting period occurred between 1:4am and 2:15am at night when I was fast asleep. But I dreamed about cleaning so that counts for something doesn't?

Happy and Homemaker is an oxymoronic term to me. Mind you, I see nothing wrong with the woman, or man, who waxes prolific about what cleaning supplies work best, or experiences joy in a clean floor, and knows just what color to paint the wood trim. In some ways I am jealous, because I would love to have a magazine perfect house, just, not by my hands.

And as I'm not fabulously rich by any means, nor do I have access to a cleaning robot who can wash/dry/put away (dishes or laundry, works for both) nor can i bestow one upon anyone, I can bestow upon everyone a magic journaling pretend robot-cleaner with this journaling prompt.

You have been chosen as a test family, and have been presented with a robot-cleaner named -  well you can choose the name, the looks you can choose anything about your cleaning robot you want. Only there is one hitch. The robot can only take over ONE chore. I mean the whole chore, so yes it can wash/dry/fold/put away all the laundry. Or it can sweep, vacuum, mop all your floors. It can do the windows.

But just one chore.

First what does your robot look like and what chore do you have it programmed to do? And why that chore?