Journey is You

But try and do it silently and open up your journal to a clean page. Rant. Rant and rant some more. Rant till your energy level is down. Rant till you know what you are upset about. Is it really the milk? Is it something else? Because often it is something else entirely.

Next, decide if this is actually a issue that needs to be solved (this is not an action/lack of action that should not be repeated, this is an action/lack of action that is common and problematic). If this is a one off, or you recognize it is not a real problem, then let it go. 

Write about letting it go.

If it is a problem then continue writing. Write down the exact problem that is being faced, especially if it differs from the original rant. Does this problem involves others? Who? And how are they involved?

For example, if after writing you realize you aren't angry so much about the milk as about your current job. It is depressing you, you feel unfilled. Perhaps you need to speak with your boss about making different arrangements in your work life. Or perhaps you need to find another job and would like your partner to help support you emotionally in finding a new one.  

If the original cause still has you upset, and is something that needs to be solved, then rephrase the issue without the blame-game, finger pointing. List possible solutions, both those that can rely on you alone and those that may require others to help. What are the best options that you see?

Again, for example if the milk is continuously left on the counter overnight, what can you do to change that? Can you check to see if the milk has been left out before you go to bed, even if your partner is the one to leave it out? Or pour milk for coffee into a smaller pitcher which can be left out so that if it spoils it is only enough for a few cups of coffee? 

If you do need to approach anyone else, how can you do that without causing anger and without blaming? What are some ways you can use if, despite your intentions, the other person feels blamed? Write down what you are going to say, and practice it quietly. Also, remind yourself that your great idea isn't necessarily a great idea to anyone else involved. Write down and remind yourself that  "I'm going to be open to the suggestions of the other(s) involved. I'm not going to be angry or upset if my solution isn't chosen." 

Of course not all solutions are going to work immediately, and you may have to go back to the drawing board. 

If no solutions works, you need to consider if the situation is as you think it is, or if other factors are at work. Why isn't this problem being resolved? Keep writing, and asking yourself, "what can I do? Can I do this on my own or does this require outside help?"

Outrage has its uses, as I have stated before. If there is a grave injustice or evil, it is vital that people energize themselves to fight it. IF it is grave. We have lost sight of what is grave. Moreover, we have ceded our control to the anger, instead of using the anger to drive us forward in a positive, productive fashion.

To regain control my suggestion is to take these steps.

1. Do not read news or social media until you have given yourself enough time to transition between sleep and wake, or work and home etc, and until  you have "fed" all four basic aspects of yourself. Your body, your emotions, your mind, and your spirit.This doesn't have to be as intricate or time consuming as it my first sound. When you wake you might do some basic stretches, shower, and get some coffee, feed your cat,  write in your journal, meditate or pray. When coming home from work you might kiss your spouse, take your dog for a walk, learn a new word in a different language, and take time to appreciate the beauty of this world. Let the good in before turning on the news or getting on social media.

2. Save most of the news for a time when you can give it your full attention. That is, until you can read the full article, check out the information, watch the full clip instead of a partial clip, and ask yourself questions. Until that time read only what is pertinent to you at that moment, and that which you can act upon. If you can neither act on something nor does it affect you at the moment, then set the article aside to read later. 

3. Prior to even reading the headlines tell yourself; headlines are meant to catch my emotions. They are often misleading, or wrong. In addition new information often comes out which proves the facts are quite different. 

4. "Translate" the headline into its most boring possible form. Do the opposite of what you would do when writing fiction. Stick with provable facts. Get rid of adjectives, adverbs and dull down the verbs. You are going for the facts. If the article is pertinent to you at the moment, and you can do something other than express your anger, open the article up.

5. Remind yourself that humans err, and humans have biases. Again, keep in mind that the article might be misleading, leaving out information, or wrong, for a variety of reasons. Journalists in the past have created completely fictional stories that they have posited as true. Biases are sometimes difficult to conquer, and may come through. Moreover, facts aren't always readily available and what is assumed or thought is proven untrue. 

6. Read the article, again, clearing away the all highly emotive words. Be a journalist yourself. Ask who, what, where, when, why, how? Research the information. As stated above, ask questions. Try to find primary sources. When examining videos or pictures ask yourself, what came before hand? What happened after? Could a wider or different angle tell a different story? Similarly, ask the same question about quotes or captions. Is something missing? Could there be another way of understanding what is quoted or described? Try and find the exact quote and see if there was more to it than presented, or if there was something else that could give you a different or deeper understanding of the article than what you have been shown.

7. Give some time for new information to come forward. Sometimes the reporter has an ax to grind and sometimes the new information is forthcoming. Wait unless you absolutely cannot.

8. Can you act on the information in a productive fashion? What is the best way to react? If the only thing that comes to mind is getting angry on the Internet, stop. That is not going to help matters. It only escalates the situation. Sit down and figure out the most productive way to respond to the situation. That doesn't mean you cannot write or discuss it, respond to others post. But try and come up with something that will help the situation, instead of just lead to more anger.

There is a great deal of ugliness in the world. The point of our existence is to find the beauty and enhance the good. How can you do that?