Journey is You

My first year or so in Israel I went shopping at a local clothing sale, a gemach (items are either free or low cost), searching to extend my closet. It was winter, and I had learned that Israel gets cold in the winter. I hadn't brought a good intermediate coat with me, so I was wearing two thick sweaters over a shirt.

As I'm picking through the clothes spread out on the table a total stranger comes over, pats me on the belly and asks me if I'm pregnant. Literally, did not know this woman at all, never had seen her before. Shocked, I told her I wasn't, unfortunately, pregnant (I wished I had been). She then said "Oh, just fat then. Well you will have another soon" (I didn't) and went on her merry way.

I just stood there shocked. How on earth could someone ask me a question like that?

Well, culture.

Several years later as I was sitting at a bus stop with a friend (from Israel) and her sister (from the USA) a woman came over and said "Oh, you two (meaning the sisters) look so much alike, only your fat and your thin!

I was no longer shocked. I knew, culture.

Neither of the women had ill intent, it is just there is a spirit in Israel where everyone gets to comment and ask questions about things that in the USA would be considered personal, and beyond the rights of anyone to question.

And then there is me. I was working in a kindergarten and decided to help out by sweeping the floor. The assistant kindergarten teacher got upset  with me.

It was her job.

Culture.

There are cultures where people yell, gesticulate wildly, and call each other names, as a matter of routine discourse, and all that is normal, fine, and what is your problem for getting upset? They are friends! There are cultures where people will not offer a smile on the street. Where store clerks just assume they are there to check you out, not help you with your purchases. Some cultures like burping after meals, some frown on it.

Here are writing prompts to discuss culture clashes.
 

Have you ever moved to a different place where the culture was different from the culture you came from? What did you find the most surprising? What the most difficult to take on? What the hardest to bare? What aspects of your culture did you wish to insert into the culture you moved to? What aspects of the new culture do you wish you could inject into the one you were born into or living in prior to moving?

Have you ever interacted with someone from a different culture? What surprised you? What did you find upsetting or annoying? Did you explain to the person why that particular behavior was or was not approved of in your culture? Did you wish that any particular aspects of that culture were normal in your own culture?

Culture clashes can be annoying, but can also be fun. Think about the different ones you have experienced, both the good and bad of it.

Last night my insomnia, despite my efforts, rose its ugly head again and I was plopped out of a delicious sleep into wakeland at about 4:30 am.

This, at least for me, is one of the worst times to awaken, as often it means I can't get back to sleep, not even for an hour. If I   between 2:30 and 3:30, it usually is okay. 4:30 and well, that is it.

I tried though and gave up at 5:30. Came down, tossed the laundry into the wash, did some of the dishes forgotten in the sink overnight, and sat down with a cuppa (perversely, coffee helps me sleep).

In the background I could hear the swish of the washing machine. The cat laid down on the floor in front of me, making a couch of a cushion that had fallen to the floor, and I sat back, coffee cup in hand, breathing in the quiet.

How strange and delightfully serene everything was.  What began as a concession to insomnia ended up being a time of deep relaxation. I was there, my thoughts had emptied, and I was in a state of deep peace.

Write about a time when you felt a deep sense of peace and serenity. What time was it? Where were you and what were you doing? Had you set out to find peace or did peace embrace you unexpectedly? Were you alone or with a companion, human or otherwise? How do you feel in evoking these memories now?

Our minds are a tremendous muscle. Our imagination a great gift. This is, as you can see, a prompt whose purpose is to arouse your imagination.

Clean leaf time :)

You are walking, alone, through the woods, hours before and behind any known habitation. There is nothing but nature around you. Imagine that as fully as possible. Create that world, full of sounds, scents, sights, and all other senses.

For this prompt consider these questions and answer them in a story fashion as best as you are able.

What are you sensing? What types of trees are there about? What other types of flora? Have you seen or heard any animals? What is the scent with in the air? How dark or bright is it? What time of day or night is it? Is there water nearby? How are you feeling? Lonely, serene, scared, joyful? Are you longing for a particular person or perhaps a pet? What would you say or do with them if they had come with you? Why are you alone? Are you simply walking or are you looking for something in the woods or going elsewhere? If elsewhere, where are you going and why have you chosen to walk through the woods? Where are you coming from? Do you plan on returning to your starting point? Why or why not? What do you do besides walk? Do you pick any berries or flowers or nuts? Do you stop by a stream or river? If so what do you do there? 

Add as much information about the world around you and your reasons for your action as well as your hopes, concerns, and desires in making this trip at this time. You are doing this! It is a fact of your life! You are traveling through the woods. This is an essential part of your journey.

Being stuck in a traffic jam is no fun. Being stuck in a traffic jam for 1.5+ hours AND having to pee for much of that time is even less fun. I have a lot to complain about. It was also raining, but that was a good thing!

The traffic jam, due to poor planning on the part of the city (they were repairing the road and of course chose the middle of the day to do so, closing two lanes and causing, as I said, an 1.5+ traffic jam.) 

Complain, complain and then -- STOP. 

It is helpful to complain up to a point. It is helpful to discharge the emotions and not keep them bottled up, but only to a point. After that, do the opposite. Find the good, the joyful, the funny in whatever you are doing. 

What is that point? When the complaints make you or others around you less happy, less fulfilled. Think of complaints as getting rid of impurities. Wash them away and let them be carried down the drain. Don't follow after them, and don't let them saturate others. Pat yourself dry and put on some cream or lotion. Find whatever is amusing or good about the situation.

Yesterday I was stuck in a traffic jam for 1.5+ hours. I was going to be late for my appointment. I had to pee. 

The first thing I did was find a bathroom. Ah relief! Then I called the person I was going to meet. Yes! We could meet an hour later than originally planned. Then I went and bought myself a book I had been wanting. Plus, it was raining and we needed the rain.

Have you any complaints for today? Discharge them into  your journal and then find the good, the amusing, the wonderful about the situation. Something, even small, which is happening, which can give you peace or joy. 

Something has made you mad. In fact you are boiling. You have so much anger in you that you don't know what to do. 

What was it that outraged you in the last few days, and did you learn anything that would suggest the initial reports weren't true, or there wasn't as bad, or that more information was needed?

1. If the original information proves untrue ask yourself: Are you still outraged? Why?

Quite possibly you are still angry, despite now knowing the truth. We have a tendency to not want to let go of that original anger. We spent too much emotional energy on it, and now to just step back and say "ooops, looks like I was wrong!" is hard to do. It is natural to want to continue to hold onto that anger, to find something, anything, that would justify that outrage. We don't like having been fooled, and we do not like "wasting" our emotional investment. All that energy, for what? A lie? A misunderstanding? NO!!!! 

It is natural to feel these things, it is also unhealthy. 

It is okay that you were fooled, that doesn't mean you are a fool. You were deceived because you trusted. It is okay. 

Now let the anger go. Forgive yourself for the emotional waste (I will show you how not to become outraged in another post).

Write down what outraged you, why it outraged you, and how you learned you were misled. Talk about how this rage has left you feeling, drained, used, confused, angry still, wanting your initial outrage to be true. Write down the words of forgiveness for the emotional waste of energy. Write down what you have learned to be true. Does the truth bother you in any way? Is there anything that makes you angry with the truth itself? What is it and why are you feeling that way about the truth?

2. Now, suppose that the original outrage was justified. Or suppose that the truth is making you outraged. "I was lied to, misled! And this new truth is just as bad, worse than the old truth". 

Why are you angry? What about the truth has you enraged. And, more importantly, what can you do about it? What steps can you take to correct the wrong or modify the wrong, whatever it is? How can you be a positive force?

To do that you need to release the anger, it was a spark, a flame, to get you moving. You are moving now. In what direction? Why? How will it help? Do your actions help eliminate something that is evil and wrong? Do they bring peace, joy, harmony?

Carefully consider what you are going to do, and why you are going to do it. Write down the steps. Ask yourself questions about how you will precede, what problems you may face, how to avoid those problems and how to work around any issues that may come up.

Use your anger, don't be used by it.