Journey is You

Drawing a straight line on a piece of paper with a ruler is a challenge to me.

Yet I have in my mind the most awesome images I would love to paint. Head and hand are enemies though so the picture stays in my brain.

But I'm filled with this yearning to get the images down. Perhaps an art class in the future will work, right now, too costly and too distant to make it work.

Still there is in my mind images, pictures, waiting, yearning.

A woman standing at a door, the back of her, the door itself, the wood of the door (it is blue) the floor (polished wood) her hair (deep brown) her dress (rust colored) are strongly in my mind. In front is a blur. She's opening the door but to what?

A young girl lying on a bed, the coverlet orange and red and brown, as it reaches the end of the bed it turns to leaves which are flowing out the window. Her dark hair is spread on the pillow, her eyes are closed.

An older woman wearing only a towel walking down a narrow hall. Behind her a mirror steamed up. Her grey hair is twisted on top of her head, the towel is a pale creamy color, just barely pink. The carpet is green. You can see her footprints in the carpet behind her.

These images exist in my head, maybe someday. Now they have to remain in my head. Or maybe it is my fear that I can't do it well that is stopping me.

Do you have images within you that yearn to be free? Or the soft stirs of a song you can't play? What is your wanted talent?

And if you can't do it well, could you do it badly? What is stopping you? Is it what is stopping me?

Write about a talent you wish was yours, and then what would happen if you tried and failed at it. Would it make you more unhappy to fail then to never try?

I had not known he was ill, and you can imagine my shock. While he had dementia physically I thought he was well.

As an Orthodox Jew I keep the mourning custom of Shiva, seven days in which you give up pleasure and remain in the home. As is customary friends visit to comfort you, bringing food and words of love.

Because I lost a parent (I lost my mother 8 years earlier), I have an additional 30 days and then a year of reduced pleasure.

What I found from this period was how important that slowing down is.

The rush of the world became narrowed to a small segment of my life. People arrived, spoke about my father. I showed off his carving that he did for me, talked about how much my parents meant to each other, and slowly became accepting of my new status as an orphan.

It hurts even as a 61 year old.

But I also realized as the week ended and I have entered sholoshim how important that slowing down is.

So often we rush into the world, must do this, must do that, demanding immediate response to everything.

And is it that important that we rush into the next thing before we have satisfied ourselves with what is before us?

It is awful that it took a tragedy for me to understand how much this rushing is causing me harm, and how much I have lost from it.

I do not want any more tragedies to teach me this. I want to embrace the beauty of life and enjoy it as it comes, not worry about the future.

So I aim to slow down, to treat myself gently. 

Have you seen this in your own life? How much you are missing by being the hare instead of the tortoise? Has anything in your life slowed you down? And what was the event?
 

And a person who is truly spiritually beautiful does not merely pray, contemplate, learn or meditate, though those might be ways to find the path to spiritual beauty. As a path the above needs to be taken with seriousness, the mind focused. 

However, a person who is spiritually beautiful acts in a way that connects with the good, and helps bring out that good. It is an outward motion, towards others in the world. It isn't about the self, but the world at large.

When one is spiritually beautiful one does for the world.

Actions don't have to be great. They don't have to be saving a life or coming up with a cure for cancer. They are about making the world a better place.

What are ways that you are spiritually beautiful?

How have you acted in a spiritually beautiful way today?

 

Everyone is beautiful in their own way: This is true, however, not everyone is beautiful physically. While everyone may have aspects of themselves that are physically beautiful. there are people who have features which are perceived by most as ugly, resulting from various causes, genetics, birth defects, accidents and injuries malicious or otherwise.  People are called ugly and may also call themselves ugly. To dismiss a person's feelings about themselves, about them feeling they are ugly (whether they are in fact correct or not), to simply say "you are not"  is harmful in my opinion.

The issue to me is not that a person may or may not be beautiful, may in fact be physically ugly, it is that too often physical beauty becomes equated with a moral beauty.

Everyone is beautiful in their own way.  And while physical beauty may not be attainable by some, emotional, intellectual and spiritual beauty are all within our control. And what is more important after all?

There are people who are corrupt who will determine that an ugly face is a reason to mock another person, to act cruelly,  or to dismiss them as not deserving respect or love. Those are people who have ugliness in their hearts and souls, and they can and should root out those judgements.

Since I opened with beauty of the body, I would like to continue and move on to beauty of the heart.

Journal time!
 

• How is your heart beautiful? 
• What actions, words, acts of kindness do you do for others?
• How can you make your heart more beautiful?

• If you feel you haven't been beautiful of heart, remember; this is almost completely within your control and you can create a beautiful heart. Don't dwell on past actions in which you have acted in an ugly manner; almost every human has done so. Instead make it a goal for yourself to bring more beauty into your hearts and into the hearts of others. Format it like this:

  In the past I have done (XYZ) which is not beautiful. From now on I will not do (XYZ) but instead (ABC).
  
  As with all changes, it takes time. Don't beat yourself up for falling back on ugly ways. Instead examine your actions and write "I'm changing. This takes time. But I will achieve a beautiful heart."

I had a lot on my plate today. 

I am also sick.

Something has to give. Right? 

I had three goals that I wanted to meet today, as well as 7 Acts = Great Day and when I went to my journal today I said: NOPE.

It wasn't going to work for me.

I wasn't going to be able to dance when I'm coughing my head off, and my bones are aching. Wasn't going to be able to get to all the things on my list either.

Can't do this and can't do that.

Does that mean I failed? Wouldn't have a great day? Nope. I had to reevaluate what was necessary for me. I changed things, not to hide the fact that I couldn't do them, but to make them reflect my current needs. Rest rather than dancing, take a nap. Lemon and honey for my throat.

Putting me in there, because that is the reason for my journal in the first place. What is written down is to help me learn about me, to grow, to become better. Even if I'm 61, doesn't mean I'm going downhill. Not if I take charge of myself.

Of course, today's a one off. Right? I mean, one cant one can't. True.

But similarly, there are times when you are meeting your goals, but they aren't working for you. Or when you aren't meeting your goals, and you are feeling you are letting yourself down.

When it comes to that you have to go back to the drawing board and figure out, what is preventing you from achieving your real goal, which is not only to do XYZ but also to have that action improve your life.

First go back to the goal itself and reread why you undertook the goal.

Is that goal still important to you? If not, chuck it. Maybe you once wanted to learn Italian but the reason for learning Italian no longer exists. There is no reason to feel guilty, just okay, not necessary now.

If it is still important to you, then recheck the reason for the goal. Have you been specific enough about the reason for your goal? A loosely written goal will result in loose adherence to the steps you need to get there. "Exercise lowers your chances of getting Alzheimer's Disease" is a better reason for dancing daily than "I want to be healthier."  

Next, check to see if the goals you stated are reasonable. If you set a goal of dancing for ten minutes, yet you can't keep that up, then you need to lower the goal. And if ten minutes goes by quickly, then you need to up your time. 

Perhaps it is neither of those. Perhaps you need to find a better time, a better method or a better place to achieve your daily goal. Perhaps you need outside help, an app, a friend, a mentor, a teacher.

Use your journal to ask yourself these questions. You can express disappointment in yourself, and if you are feeling disappointed or angry let those feelings out. Don't stay there. Move on to ask yourself, "Why isn't this working for me?"

You may even want to put it like this, "Why isn't this working for you (your name)" and then answer the questions.


 

When I was a very young child, preschool or earlier I had some seriously weird beliefs. The ringing in my ears was a call from my alien parents, telling me they would come soon. My heart and my bladder and my lungs all operated independently of each other and had little workers within toiling to keep my body going. They might even argue with each other, like my bladder insisting I needed to go right now and my brain saying that I needed to sleep, just wait bladder! Luckily my brain usually ceded and woke me up before, well before my bladder ... well luckily as I said my brain woke me up. (Yeah I know, shades of Inside, Out here).

Then we learn, and we learn more, and realize what we thought was silly and how could we have ever thought that?

But when you have limited knowledge, and a curious mind our ridiculous thoughts aren't so ridiculous are they? What else could a ringing in the ears be aside from a messed up phone call? And how else would the body work if there weren't little creatures inside, pushing and pulling and whatever else they were doing?

Did you any "foolish" beliefs as a child? What were they? What questions that you had were they answering? And is there any truths at all to these mistaken beliefs? (Because how far from the truth is the idea of little creatures from chemical reactions that are telling the brain what is going on?) Can you see anyway these mistaken beliefs can benefit you now? 

I know, the following is going to sound more like a writing prompt than a journaling prompt, so what gives?

Writing in the third person or in a fictive manner can give us insights into ourselves.

This one I hope will be fun.

Prompt:

It turns out that aliens (the extra-terrestrial kind) have lived among us for ... a long time. Whatever the reason they came originally, whether the intent was malevolent or benevolent or benign, it is now decidedly benign. They have been observers, watching us, taking note of all we do, writing us up in reports which they send back, never mind how, back to their home planet.

Now they are pulling up, pulling out. Going back home. And for reasons that are their own, even though they have never said hello, they want to tell earth goodbye.

And you have been chosen to hear their goodbye.

Write up a brief description of these aliens, the reason they originally came, what they look like, how their government(s) run, how they managed to evade our notice, how the alien convinces you that yes, they are in fact, not native to earth, and anything else that is important to you and will make the aliens come alive in your mind.

(Draw from your own experiences from a time when you felt you were out of place within a social group and you acted as more of an observer than a participant to fully develop your alien interlocutor.)

Now, you have received a knock on the door. You open it. Let the creature or creatures in, and have a conversation with the creature(s).

What is their message to earth? Why are you one of the people they have chosen? This is your hello and goodbye. What message do you want them to take, from you and from planet earth? How will you convince the rest of the world that this is their message?

Write down a five to ten minute conversation between you and the alien.

After you have done that, answer these questions.

• Think back to the time that you felt as if you were an alien within a social group. What made you feel as if you were an alien?
• Did you enjoy your experience as an observer rather than a participant? Or was it painful? However it was what made it that way for you?
• Is there something you took away from that experience, something you learned about the group and about yourself, that you didn't know before?
• What message would you like to send that group now? Write out your own goodbye to the group. How is it similar and how does it differ from the message your alien gave.

My first year or so in Israel I went shopping at a local clothing sale, a gemach (items are either free or low cost), searching to extend my closet. It was winter, and I had learned that Israel gets cold in the winter. I hadn't brought a good intermediate coat with me, so I was wearing two thick sweaters over a shirt.

As I'm picking through the clothes spread out on the table a total stranger comes over, pats me on the belly and asks me if I'm pregnant. Literally, did not know this woman at all, never had seen her before. Shocked, I told her I wasn't, unfortunately, pregnant (I wished I had been). She then said "Oh, just fat then. Well you will have another soon" (I didn't) and went on her merry way.

I just stood there shocked. How on earth could someone ask me a question like that?

Well, culture.

Several years later as I was sitting at a bus stop with a friend (from Israel) and her sister (from the USA) a woman came over and said "Oh, you two (meaning the sisters) look so much alike, only your fat and your thin!

I was no longer shocked. I knew, culture.

Neither of the women had ill intent, it is just there is a spirit in Israel where everyone gets to comment and ask questions about things that in the USA would be considered personal, and beyond the rights of anyone to question.

And then there is me. I was working in a kindergarten and decided to help out by sweeping the floor. The assistant kindergarten teacher got upset  with me.

It was her job.

Culture.

There are cultures where people yell, gesticulate wildly, and call each other names, as a matter of routine discourse, and all that is normal, fine, and what is your problem for getting upset? They are friends! There are cultures where people will not offer a smile on the street. Where store clerks just assume they are there to check you out, not help you with your purchases. Some cultures like burping after meals, some frown on it.

Here are writing prompts to discuss culture clashes.
 

Have you ever moved to a different place where the culture was different from the culture you came from? What did you find the most surprising? What the most difficult to take on? What the hardest to bare? What aspects of your culture did you wish to insert into the culture you moved to? What aspects of the new culture do you wish you could inject into the one you were born into or living in prior to moving?

Have you ever interacted with someone from a different culture? What surprised you? What did you find upsetting or annoying? Did you explain to the person why that particular behavior was or was not approved of in your culture? Did you wish that any particular aspects of that culture were normal in your own culture?

Culture clashes can be annoying, but can also be fun. Think about the different ones you have experienced, both the good and bad of it.

Happy New Year! Jewish that is. I probably won't be able to post until, well next week sometime at best. The Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, is Sunday night - Tuesday night, then comes a fast day, then a birthday party for my granddaughter, and then back to Shabbat preparations.

Not a lot of time for the Internet there.

In honor of the Jewish New Year (and according to Jewish philosophy, it is the New Year of the entire world) this post focuses on changing to be a better you.

The post is also based on the a video by a friend of mine, an Orthodox Jewish woman (as I am).  It is a wonderful video, and I think clear enough despite Jewish references, that anyone can benefit from it. If you have any questions about the words please ask me, and I'll gladly explain.

Get Clarity

So yes, that is the journaling prompt! Three easy steps on changing your life for the better. Summing up her video:

1. Specify a new habit that is going to help you in your life. Make certain you write not only what you want to do, when you want to do it and how often you want to do, but also why you want to take on this new task.
2. As she states, recognize that you aren't going to do it perfectly, that you are going to fail sometimes, that it is okay. Start with that so when it happens you can tell that internal judge "hey, this is normal so sit down!"
3. Develop your tracking format. Whatever format you want. You might want to keep a "Daily Goal" on your daily pages, as well as keep a tracking device, or your may want to write it in front of your journal, or keep a separate journal on goals.

And as I'm playing I realized how grateful I am that I can play like this, that the need to make my own pen is a pleasurable task that I can end at any point that I wish. 

And as I try to sharpen my pen and play at dipping I wonder: what would my life have been like 100 years ago? As a 61 year old woman would I have even been alive?

How much do we have now that we would not have had 100 years ago?

What would our lives have been like 100 years ago?

In your own mind go back 100 years, and ask yourself what your life would have been like, and then focus on today.  Wander about your home, and see the world as if you had been that person 100 years ago, and ask yourself what would you be grateful for today?

And write it down as if you were that person. Wonder at the miracles we are living now. What are you most grateful for? 

As I listen to the washing machine tumble my clothes about, I think I know at least one item that I'm glad for!