Embracing a blessing that challenges you

I've taken a scarf and tied it tightly about my head with a marble placed on my right side near the base of my neck as a sort of acupressure prayer that it might reduce this blasted headache. My ears are shrieking from tinnitus. And my throat hurts.

I am sick, obviously, and will probably function quite poorly today. Reading is a struggle, the idea of listening to something, such as a podcast, is feeling like a big no, and I can't even imagine watching something on Netflix. 

I feel like crying. 

I think it is the weather. The rain, which has been quite profuse this year, has also brought pollen, and that may have resurrected long dormant allergies. There was just not enough pollen in the past to make more than a minor inconvenience. 

Yet the pain (most likely) is due to a blessing, and it is harder and harder to embrace that blessing fully. Each drop of rain which fills the aquifers and feeds the land benefits the nation as a whole. Which means that, ultimately, it will benefit me.

Sometimes seeing the good is difficult even when you know the good is there. I am suffering. Sitting here with a scarf wrapped tightly to my head and a marble against that one spot so that I can barely function. 

The rain is good. The rain is good. Though my pain is great now, the rain will bring greater gifts later. 

I write this in my journal, focusing in on the benefits that the future will bring, while not negating the pain I'm in now.